The Wait (Uncensored)

the wait

KocherFamilyLR1-79Eight months ago we had this picture taken but no one has seen it until now.  Eight months ago I was sure we were just months away from receiving a referral for our beautiful Ethiopian son or daughter.  Eight months ago I was still hoping that God was working on my timeline.

Twelve and a half months ago our paperwork (dossier for those fluent in adoption-speak) was registered in Ethiopia and we were officially considered a “waiting family”.

Nineteen months ago our adoption journey began when we filled out an application with our agency and were accepted into their program.

Here’s what I’ve told you:  its all in God’s timing and I know that we will be matched with the perfect child for our family because He already has that child set apart for us.

Here’s what I haven’t told you:  I’ve questioned Him and His timing.  At night, after our two blessings were tucked in, I’ve looked at my husband and told him how I was just filled with frustration and the wait has made me weary.  I’ve said that God didn’t call us to wait, God called us to DO something.  I’ve also pointed out that there is estimated to be over 150 MILLION orphans in the world and we are just requesting ONE.

When these moments wash over me, God uses my husband to ground me.  He looks at me and reminds me that this is in God’s time, not mine.  He also reminds me that its very possible that God is using this experience to teach me patience.  When I respond that I have been patient–he just looks at me without saying a word and then I realize that I’m not acting like a person who has learned patience.  I’m not acting like a person who has completely surrendered to God.

I’ve become convinced that this adoption is about more than a child.  This adoption is about breaking me and my will so that I can focus on HIS will.   Only then can I be the person that God created me to be–fully surrendered to Him and willing to go wherever He may lead.  (and standing still when he says to “stay”)

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